Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
