Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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