I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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