Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
