Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
