after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
