whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
