Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
