threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
