And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
