everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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