Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
