I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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