i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize