What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
