??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please, let me fuck your mom
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
