Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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