It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
