piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
