So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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