So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
