There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
