Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
