my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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