if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
