Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
