I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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