I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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