i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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