don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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