i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
