I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
