Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
