You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
