saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
