I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
