I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize