I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize