don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
