Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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