My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
