anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
