it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
