i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
