I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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