I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
