no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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