she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
