Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
