If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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