I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize