how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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