I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
