swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize