he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
