I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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