This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You dont lie about slip and slides
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
