with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
