she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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