I should be sponsored by Trojan
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
