I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
