Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We had to coat check the pizza.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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