trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
