i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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