i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize