When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
