You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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