dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
