My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Green mimosas i think yes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
