Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
