I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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