thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
