three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
