nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
