college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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