we're blogging at a bar
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
