keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
