Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
