I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
