please come you make the beer taste better
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
