i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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