That's intense
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
