he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
