What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
