I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize