I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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