pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
