Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
