my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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