I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
