I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're too hungover to prance.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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