I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
