Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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