You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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