Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
