She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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