More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
