no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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