I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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