Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
