I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
