I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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