IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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