we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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