I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
