Your mouth is God's brothel.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
