We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
