I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
