you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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