The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Blood and glitter go together right?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
