roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
