can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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