Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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